i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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