So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
