I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
