Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
