it wasn't lemon gatorade
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
