meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
