ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
