so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
