i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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