I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize