hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize