He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
