So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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