Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
