No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize