I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
