cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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