woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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