So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
