I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
