you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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