I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
