Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
