i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
