I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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