everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
