I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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