I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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