youre lurking in front of me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
