The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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