God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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