How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
