Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
