Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
