I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
