Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
