FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
