She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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