he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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