I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
