I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
