he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
