I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
