I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
