No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
