Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
