Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
