Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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