I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
