I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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