My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
