If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
