I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I touched a dick in church today
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