Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
