I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Everclear isn't food dammit
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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