I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
operation harelip BJ is a go
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
