Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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