do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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