That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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