hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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