Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
how drunk are you?
Several
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
