Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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