Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
