hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
