but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
