The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
