Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
