I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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