I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
