my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
