she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
