every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
