he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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