just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
