i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
