I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
