Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
