Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
